Bathroom Update

When I moved into my new house, I had a friend repaint the entire thing and all of it was done in earth tones. That would include my master bathroom. The bathroom was painted a shade of tan, which at the time was exactly what I wanted! Except, I also picked out a brown bathroom set. It had leaves and wonderful tree things on it, so I thought it was destiny. Except... after 2 years, I realized the lack of color was eating away at me. I really DO like color as well as earth tone nature! So with some help of my wonderful mother, I decided to spice up the room.

I started with the main wall looking like this. Yep, that would be a big, tan wall with nothing on it. SO boring!

I also started with a vanity like this. Brown towel, brown walls, brown jewelry box, brown soap dispenser... you get the deal:

So the first goal was to put SOMETHING on the main wall. On my toilet I have a tan and blue container and decided I wanted to accent with blues and teals. Luckily for me, my wonderful mother went with me to Hobby Lobby to help pick out some decor. Here is what we came up with!

 More color! Actually, inside of the cute blue frame with the birdie, is a picture of Spring Valley. It's a bright picture of some trees in fall. COLOR! NATURE! YESSSS. I love the different textures with the metal heart, the canvas "relax" and the wooden frame. The hooks are perfect for hand towels and my hair wraps. Step one: complete.

I wasn't sure what I could do with the vanity area. My mom and I found this awesome way to put a boarder of tile or wood trim around a large mirror to class it up, but I didn't have the money for that project at that time. So I looked around on Pinterest and found a way to spice up a towel rack! Here is what we started with:

Basically, it involved taking a piece of colorful paper and putting it into a frame, then mounting it around the towel rack. Seems easy enough, right? Here's the final product. Step two: complete!

We found a wonderful blue/brown/tan piece of scrapbook paper and an off white, clearance frame to accent the colors in the paper and bring a new color into the bathroom. We decided to laminate the paper because I don't have a humidifer in my house, so sometimes I shower with the fan off and the doors open to get humiditiy into my room. To prevent the paper from wilting and shriveling, we laminated it first. That did make it difficult and thicker to fit between the frame and the holder, but not impossible. From there, we measured the middle of the paper and traced the towel holder, then cut a hole. Then, I removed the table mount from the back of the frame and secured the frame with a small nail at the top via the hook provided to the wall to keep it steady on the wall. Then I remounted the towel rack and ta-da! I love it!

 

Other than that, my mom found an adorable burlap flower that matched the new colors perfectly. I decided to hang it above the toilet to bring some color to that side of the room. You can see the cloth container that inspired the color scheme. To top it off, Saint Nicholas brought me a set of light blue towels to tie it all together. I was still using the orange, green, and pink towels from college. Oops!

 

There you have it! A spiced up bathroom with some color! Hopefully sometime I can add the boarder around the mirror and really finish it up! Hmm, what part of my house is next?

Online Garage Sales - My new addiction

I have recently stumbled on a new addiction. It's called online garage sale-ing. A friend of mine was talking about a Facebook garage sale group in his town. I was curious and searched for a group in my town. I found one! And then another. And another. I am currently in 8 garage sale groups from towns around me! I can't stop checking the pages! But to be fair, I have found some pretty good deals. Come on a tour with me!

I have pretty much nothing hanging on any of my walls. Someone was selling this mirror/votive piece and for some reason it spoke to me! $10. I hung it up in my entryway from the garage. I love it!

 I can actually blame my mom for this one! I got her addicted to the garage sale groups, too. She came across these Levolor faux wood blinds on a local group. The lady was only charging $20 for 6 blinds! They were all too long for my windows, but we adjusted them to fit. Previously, I had ugly, used roman shades in my living room. They came with the house and were extremely faded and gross. Now I have perfect condition blinds!

 I never had blinds in my bedroom after living here for a year and a half. Now I do! No more accidental peep shows for the neighbors.

One of the first things I wanted to find on the groups was a set of chairs for my porch and deck. And I found one! These chairs fold up and can be used for camping. I think the lady said they were from Camping World. A few days later, I came across the metal table to add to the chairs. Perfect for watching Leia play in the yard!!!

 Right after buying the previous chairs, I came across this set! 2 red chairs with a sturdy, glass table.. for only $20! I have a balcony/porch on my second level. Perfect! Sometimes Leia plays on the porch and now I can sit with her and soak up the sun!

I found these cute wall sconces that match the colors of my kitchen. At the time, I had nothing hanging in the kitchen, so I bought them for a reasonable $5 in hopes I could find a spot. This weekend, my mom and I found this awesome leaf clock at a store and after hanging it, I decided to hang them with the clock! I'm all about this inexpensive decor!

I also found a $50 Columbia jacket for winter. I googled it, and it retails for over $160! The lady said she needed a longer jacket for work. It was my size and was in excellent condition! It's right in between my light fall jacket and my heavy winter coat. Perfect!

I wish I knew about these groups earlier! I am definitely addicted! I can't wait to see what other good deals I can come across!

What do I want to do?

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to apply for an opening in in my department at work. It would have been a step up from where I am currently. I went through the entire interview process and felt extremely confident about getting the job. Of course, ignorance is bliss and I was not offered the position.

I'd like to say I accepted the news gracefully in person. Now, of course, as soon as I was alone, I cried. I was dealing with a mixture of shock and disappointment. The next day, I was overwhelmed with embarrassment, I interviewed with my entire district and was not chosen! Talk about feeling like second best.

Anyway, I have been in a weird place when it comes to my career. My brother lives in LA and edits animated films, and they make it to television. My cousin is a vet tech who now operates and horse trainer who also gives lessons. My other cousin is starting her teaching career to change young children's lives. Stephanie is a teacher of the hard of hearing and special needs to help change their lives. Erin travels the world helping those in 3rd world countries through CRS.

What do I do? I manage the horticultural aspects of the neighborhood parks in my town. I definitely have been feeling inadequate compared to friends and family. They all have careers that people care to hear about. I am always asked how my family and friends' jobs are going. How much is there to tell about mine? I chainsaw trees and pull weeds. Thrilling.

Since being turned down for the position that would advance me in my career, I have been extremely lost with where I want to be. What do I actually want to do? What can I do now to change the path I am currently going down?

Hard to answer most of those questions without answering "What do I want to do?" I have a degree in Horticulture and Business Administration. I do NOT have a degree, a background, or a passion for landscape design. So besides that, where else can my degree take me? I have a passion for plants, trees, nature. I also have a passion to work with people. I tried working behind a desk - I felt like my life was being sucked out of me. I tried working as a breeder - I felt like I could die from the boredom of doing the same thing every day. I pretty much enjoy what I'm doing now, but I don't feel an ultimate sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. Am I really making a difference. My cousins and brother are.

I suppose I help make the parks attractive.... but that's about it? At the end of the day, have I changed anyone's life? Have I healed a sick animal? I have I enlightened today's youth? Have I edited a film that makes it to Cartoon Network or Netflix? Have I opened a women's center in a 3rd world country to help empower and teach women?

I have done some serious reflecting, but can't seem to find a solution. Can you help?

Summer is half over?!

I'll be honest, it's been hard to convince myself to sit down and write a blog post! Now that we're smack dab in the middle of summer, my busy season at work, I hardly have time to clean my house!

So far it's been a typical summer. However... it started off sort of rough with a surgery on my right elbow.... which also gives me an excuse about why I haven't updated. Typing is hard with just one hand. :)

I had 3 similar surgeries on my left arm in high school. For the past year, my fingers would go numb and weak in my pinky and ring finger. It started affecting me at work. It was hard to type on the computer, use the chainsaw, or grip anything for any amount of time. After some non invasive techniques, my doctor decided the ulnar nerve had to be moved and I had surgery at the end of April.

We were going slow during recovery to prevent the nerve from falling back into place (where it was being smushed and damaged),  so work was very difficult. I felt pretty helpless, not being able to drive or do anything. Well, I'm pretty sure I overdid it, because I have started feeling the numbness and tingling again a few weeks ago. You may see another post about another surgery. :(

 

In better news, my nephew-by-love was born in May. He is the cutest little guy, I can't get enough of him. He definitely helped me during my frustrating arm times and tiring work times. He has the cutest little old man face. Recently, he has started smiling and that just melts my heart!

Also, in more celebratory news, my parents celebrated their 30th anniversary. Doug and I worked on something somewhat sentimental and asked friends and family to send a letter or memory of them. I found a cute keepsake box to keep them in. It turned out pretty cute and I had fun receiving all of the memories. Here's to another 30 years!

In normal summer fashion, Stephanie and I spent a week straight co-chairing the Cool Delights booth at our church fest. Sadly I don't have any of the pictures from that week, but it's always one of my favorite weeks. Of course it rained, stormed, and was rather chilly during the Fest, but in the end, it's always fun to spend that time with Steph and this year with Eli!

Finally, Leia turned two. Two years old! When I adopted her, she was about 6 months old, and now shes two! My parents were wonderfully generous and got her some goodies, as well as a birthday bandana. Of course I went a little overboard for her birthday. She had a very fun day and enjoyed all her presents. What a spoiled little puppy!

Well, let's hope this is the start to more constant blogging! Hmm, better start brainstorming a topic for next time....

10 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me

I haven't posted in awhile or really had the desire to, so here is a random list of things you probably don't know about me. Enjoy and consider posting your list of 10 things people probably don't know about you!

1. I write... my deceased grandmother letters almost every week. I used to have a pile of them that I planned on putting on her grave, but recently I started throwing them out.

2. I am addicted to... Big Bang Theory and Full House reruns. That's about all I watch in the evenings.

3. I absolutely hate... the color of my car. When I picked out my car they only had black in the lot. So they shipped the blue one in from another dealer. However, in person, I actually hated the color and now I have to live with it for 10 more years.

4. I would classify myself as... a jelly bean addict.

5. I cannot stand... when someone is mumbling to themselves loud enough for me to hear it and mistake their private thoughts as public ones. I always ask "What did you say?" and when the response is "Oh nothing I was talking to myself" I want to pull my hair out.

6. When I'm bored... I Pinterest the words "ginkgo" "garden" "pitbull" and "tree"

7. I dream... that I have skipped weeks of French class and the day I decide to go back, there's a huge test and I'm freaking out about it during passing period. I have this dream about once a week.

8. I wish I could... avoid talking on the phone with just about everyone. I would much rather text all day than text. I hate awkward silences and the "goodbye" part.

9. I hope... some day that I will able to foster at risk pitbulls and help them find wonderful homes.

10. I enjoy... doing laundry since receiving a new washing machine as a birthday gift from my parents. It's so much fun now.

You only need the light when it's burning low

My heart is a special kind of broken today.

I have written and rewritten this post 3 times. I don't know what I want to say.

On Saturday, my parents and I went to visit my dad's dad in the rehab hospital he has been living in for 2 years. For some reason I had a desire to go and visit him, it had been awhile. I think actually the last time I saw him was Christmas. We went, had lunch with him and visited. He was looking very thin, and was even refusing to eat the ice cream that came with lunch. I gave him a hard time about it because he is known for loving sweets. It was a difficult visit, all he wanted to do was sleep and go home.

When he was finally put back into his bed, I went into his room to say goodbye before we left.

"Hi Grandpa, it's Amy. Your favorite granddaughter."
"*chuckles* How are you?"
"I just wanted to say goodbye, I am going to leave with everyone."
"Oh you have to leave?"
"Yeah, we are going to go get lunch."
"Ok"
"But I wanted to say goodbye. And be good!"
"I'm always good."
"Haha, well keep being good for Grandma. I will see you soon."
"Thanks for coming to see me. It was good to see you. You should come visit me again soon."
"I will, as long as you are good!" *kiss on the cheek* "Love you Grandpa."

Unfortunately, I won't be able to go back and visit him. On Wednesday, his blood pressure dropped and there was nothing we could do. He passed peacefully with my grandma next to him, holding his hand.

"You should come visit me again soon"

Grandpa, I wish I could. I wish I could.

If I thought I had made any progress with my last post about my grandma (mom's mom), it's all gone. All of the guilt is back, except this time it's because I didn't visit him enough. I wasn't there enough to cherish his last days. I wasn't a good enough granddaughter.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark   

Same old empty feeling in your heart 

Rest in Eternal Peace, Grandpa Joe. I love and miss you already. Love, Amy

Let Her Go

5 months later, I am still struggling to accept losing my grandma in such a sudden heartbreaking, and devastating way, as well as witnessing it.

I actually decided to talk to a professional about the dreams/nightmares and inability to work past the sorrow and grief. So far, even after only 1 session, he has been extremely helpful. One thing he advises me to do is to avoid feeling guilty for my feelings. One way I could do that is by writing.

I wasn't sure what to write about that I haven't already written. Then a song came on the radio that brought me back to the hospital room. It's called "Let Her Go" by Passenger. It came out around the time that Grandma Dot passed away. The song is actually about a guy who realizes that the woman he let go was his true love. However, there are a few lines of the song that speak to me in relation to my grandma. Whenever I hear this song, it usually causes me to cry.

Here is the song on Youtube. Listen to it in the background and maybe you can understand how I am relating a love song to the loss of a very important person in my life. Here are the lyrics that speak to me and why.

 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

I completely 100% took my grandma (and grandpa for that matter) for granted. I took for granted all of the cards she sent on holidays and birthdays. I took for granted the thoughtful gifts she sent. I took for granted the card games we played in the kitchen. I took her famous macaroni salad for granted. I took all the toys she saved for us in the basement. I took the fact that she used to iron our bedsheets when we visited for granted. I took her love for granted. I feel like this verse is saying you don't know what you have until it is gone.... and that is exactly how I feel at this time. I feel extreme guilt for taking all of that for granted, and realizing it too late.

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why

I will never see her again in this life. I will never see her smile or twinkle in her eye when she got silly. I will never hear her laugh or the way she scolded Doug and me for being naughty. Now, I can only see her when I close my eyes. Unfortunately, I only see the bad moments; the hospital, the casket, the lack of smile and color on her face. Hopefully some day when I close my eyes, I will see all of the wonderful things about her instead.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much...

As I eluded in the post I wrote about her (Silent Night), I have spent many nights unable to sleep. And when I did sleep, many nights were full of nightmares. Even now when I go to bed, I stare at the ceiling trying to imagine her up there with her parents and my grandpa's parents. Trying to imagine that all of her pain is gone and she is able to be with everyone she loves and missed. But the empty feeling still feels my heart and I feel selfish because she isn't here with me. I'll never get to touch her and feel her love in the physical sense. I found out too late how much I really love her. 

And you let her go

I need to let her go. She would want it that way.




Thank you for reading. Or not reading. I guess this isn't actually for everyone else's reading pleasure, it's more for me. Regardless, I hope I haven't offended anyone, as this was purely therapy.