I have written and rewritten this post 3 times. I don't know what I want to say.
On Saturday, my parents and I went to visit my dad's dad in the rehab hospital he has been living in for 2 years. For some reason I had a desire to go and visit him, it had been awhile. I think actually the last time I saw him was Christmas. We went, had lunch with him and visited. He was looking very thin, and was even refusing to eat the ice cream that came with lunch. I gave him a hard time about it because he is known for loving sweets. It was a difficult visit, all he wanted to do was sleep and go home.
When he was finally put back into his bed, I went into his room to say goodbye before we left.
"Hi Grandpa, it's Amy. Your favorite granddaughter."
"*chuckles* How are you?"
"I just wanted to say goodbye, I am going to leave with everyone."
"Oh you have to leave?"
"Yeah, we are going to go get lunch."
"Ok"
"But I wanted to say goodbye. And be good!"
"I'm always good."
"Haha, well keep being good for Grandma. I will see you soon."
"Thanks for coming to see me. It was good to see you. You should come visit me again soon."
"I will, as long as you are good!" *kiss on the cheek* "Love you Grandpa."
Unfortunately, I won't be able to go back and visit him. On Wednesday, his blood pressure dropped and there was nothing we could do. He passed peacefully with my grandma next to him, holding his hand.
"You should come visit me again soon"
Grandpa, I wish I could. I wish I could.
If I thought I had made any progress with my last post about my grandma (mom's mom), it's all gone. All of the guilt is back, except this time it's because I didn't visit him enough. I wasn't there enough to cherish his last days. I wasn't a good enough granddaughter.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Rest in Eternal Peace, Grandpa Joe. I love and miss you already. Love, Amy
No comments:
Post a Comment