A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to apply for an opening in in my department at work. It would have been a step up from where I am currently. I went through the entire interview process and felt extremely confident about getting the job. Of course, ignorance is bliss and I was not offered the position.
I'd like to say I accepted the news gracefully in person. Now, of course, as soon as I was alone, I cried. I was dealing with a mixture of shock and disappointment. The next day, I was overwhelmed with embarrassment, I interviewed with my entire district and was not chosen! Talk about feeling like second best.
Anyway, I have been in a weird place when it comes to my career. My brother lives in LA and edits animated films, and they make it to television. My cousin is a vet tech who now operates and horse trainer who also gives lessons. My other cousin is starting her teaching career to change young children's lives. Stephanie is a teacher of the hard of hearing and special needs to help change their lives. Erin travels the world helping those in 3rd world countries through CRS.
What do I do? I manage the horticultural aspects of the neighborhood parks in my town. I definitely have been feeling inadequate compared to friends and family. They all have careers that people care to hear about. I am always asked how my family and friends' jobs are going. How much is there to tell about mine? I chainsaw trees and pull weeds. Thrilling.
Since being turned down for the position that would advance me in my career, I have been extremely lost with where I want to be. What do I actually want to do? What can I do now to change the path I am currently going down?
Hard to answer most of those questions without answering "What do I want to do?" I have a degree in Horticulture and Business Administration. I do NOT have a degree, a background, or a passion for landscape design. So besides that, where else can my degree take me? I have a passion for plants, trees, nature. I also have a passion to work with people. I tried working behind a desk - I felt like my life was being sucked out of me. I tried working as a breeder - I felt like I could die from the boredom of doing the same thing every day. I pretty much enjoy what I'm doing now, but I don't feel an ultimate sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. Am I really making a difference. My cousins and brother are.
I suppose I help make the parks attractive.... but that's about it? At the end of the day, have I changed anyone's life? Have I healed a sick animal? I have I enlightened today's youth? Have I edited a film that makes it to Cartoon Network or Netflix? Have I opened a women's center in a 3rd world country to help empower and teach women?
I have done some serious reflecting, but can't seem to find a solution. Can you help?
